Just a Thought...Fighting Your Past.

Just a Thought...Fighting your past. One of the hardest things that I am learning to do as I journey on my quest to becoming the best person that I possibly can be is learning to let go of my past. The things that I am not proud to say that I once did as an ignorant, ill-humored person. I got my laughs at the expense of others not knowing how much it was degrading. I always focused on the shortcoming of others around me. I was rude, disrespectful and unruly to my employers and co-workers. Then one day just like Saul, when he was on his way to Damascus when the Lord called him to serve, I feel that in a way he has done that for me. I have always been a people pleaser which is a hard life to live. Constantly trying to make life easier for those around me, instead of me working to make it easier for myself. I got lost in who I was and what I was destined to become. I was a liar, a thief, and an unreliable friend. One day it just started to click, the words, the songs, the lessons were all starting to make sense. I could hear what he wanted me to hear for so long. Put your trust in me and I will provide everything you need. For so long I struggled with faith, with love, with life. I was living the definition of insanity. Have I moved past all my troubles, by no means but they don't ruin my outlook, because when he told me that he would provide. My worries went away. I still have to push myself to let him lead me down the path he wants me to go down. I am so used to driving myself that it took him to humble me to realize that he is in control and that if we're to become what he needs me to be, then I must relinquish myself to his will. I constantly pray for forgiveness for the acts of sin that I have committed in my past and forgiving myself is getting easier with each minute I spend in his presence. Am I complete? Far from it, but I am headed in the right direction. I go to war with my inner self every day to ignore the negativity inside and seek the right kind of positivity that helps can the world one minute at a time. One kind word, one kind act spreading hope and compassion. I am not totally where I think he wants me to be just yet but I know for a fact that I am not the person that I once was nor do I wish to be. The best thing you can do to find yourself hope and faith is to forgive yourself. It makes a world of difference. So tomorrow I have a busy day with my kiddo's birthday, so wish me luck. Until tomorrow, parting is such sweet sorrow and this was....just a thought.