Just a Thought....Coping.

Just a Thought....Coping. I write this post tonight with a different heart and mindset. One of the hardest things to accept when you go down the path of self-discovery is that we all have demons and bad memories that we must face and deal with before we move onward and upward. I had to face the facts about my youth and tendencies that I developed as I got older. Here I stand a 45 man with the same fears and doubts I have since I was 18. I was afraid of dying. As I get older that fear gets more impactful. My only saving grace is putting my trust in God. It is the only thing that comforts me when thinking about it. The other is the fear of just becoming the person in the background. Don't get me wrong,, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being that person. If you don't know who the person in the background is the one who 25 or 30 years for the same company. Dependable, reliable and trustworthy. They show up to work on time, do their job accordingly, go home, wash, rinse and repeat. They get married and stay married until death do us part, they buy a house and live in it until they leave the earth. They raise two kids and send them off to college. Their legacy will continue through their kids until they grow up and have kids of their own. Eventually to the point where with time they fade into the distance. Absolutely a beautiful life, a righteous existence Most people would feel blessed to live their lives out as such. I want more, I want to leave a legacy that is transcendent, beyond the scope of my life. I want to leave a trail like Emily Dickenson, F. Scott Fitzgerald, C.S. Lewis, E.E. Cummings, Monet, Mozart, Picasso, and so many other great artists, writers, musicians, and creators. Is it wrong to dream this big, to want something bigger than yourself? I know that it is late in the game for me but I have to keep trying. Even with failure, I can go knowing I gave it my best effort. So I have accepted the fact that wasted time in my youth that I can't get back. I have accepted the fact that although I didn't want to be like my father, I have become almost exactly like him. I have accepted the fact that I am in my position all of my own accord, no one to blame for my circumstances except myself. I have been in a state of depression looking at the facts of my life. It has been necessary to stay away from writing and being active because I had to learn to cope with my past but now that I feel like I am coming from up under those clouds, going forward I have to learn to forgive myself for my past mistakes, ask for forgiveness from others that I may have hurt in the process. I have asked God for his mercy and grace in seeking forgiveness. It is time to move forward and start again. This time, if I fail it is because of what I didn't do to succeed whether it is the effort, managing my situation and my inability to prepare properly. What the reason, this time it is all on me because I know better this time around. I can't blame it for being ignorant. So until tomorrow and another opportunity to make it a better world....this was just a thought.

Just a Thought....Recovering My Soul.

Just a Thought.....Recovering The Soul. I am struggling here, folks. No shame in admitting that I am desperate. I find myself being my own worst enemy. I should be happy that some things have turned out okay. I got my van running again. The weather is getting better and I enjoy it so much. But when it comes to figuring out what is going on in my head. Well, that is the problem. I have strayed from my diet and have put back on about four pounds. Now that may not seem like a lot but when you are trying to lose weight. Well going back up a few pounds is a big problem. Trying to figure out a way to get more active and workout. I want to run but the pain right now is really terrible after I go out for a light jog. I am trying to break the regular habits that I have had for as long as I can remember. It is tough and I really come down hard on myself when I lose sight of my goal. I wish I had someone that could be my partner to keep me accountable. I feel like I have lost some momentum and I am really trying hard to get it back. I am my own worst enemy right now. My writing has been shit, my diet has been shit, my luck, my finances, and health have taken a hit. If it wasn't for mt faith right... I'd be absolutely lost. A few good moments here and there but I can't get past the bad ones. At least not yet. This doesn't mean I am not going to keep trying or that I give up easily. I think am in a rut and it sucks to be here. Tomorrow will start a new day and hopefully a new chance to start over. I do have goals and dreams to get to and this will not stop me. I just fell yuck and I think it is okay to feel this way sometimes. I just feel like I have let myself down because I know I am capable of more. I hope this doesn't come across a "whoa is me" type of post. I just need to vent and get it off my chest. I think I need a vent buddy and don't know where to turn to except all of you. I am going to give it another shot tomorrow so please wish me luck. I need a good run of luck and some divine guidance to get me back in the right direction. I know that deep within myself my soul I am crying out for help from above. I know he will answer in his time. I just gotta keep the faith. I always try to remember...walk by faith and not by sight. So tonight before I hit my pillow, I will brush my teeth and say a prayer. Hoping that tomorrow is a better day. So until we meet again friends....this was just a thought.

Just a Thought...Prayer for Writing.

Just a Thought....Prayer for Writing. So the other day a dear friend send me something that I absolutely loved. It was so on par with my spiritual journey. My dream has always been that I wanted to become a writer. I wanted to create and share the worlds and words inside my head. I always found myself throwing up excuses and reason to procrastinate on the daily. Then my friend sent me an interesting read. It explained that what I was experiencing was a resistance. It started to make sense. There are people or forces that don't want you to achieve your goals so they feed into your mind and environment to disrupt your progress in chasing your goals and making your vision into reality even harder. The idea is that before you write you need to get yourself in the correct state of mind. I mean you wouldn't just hop in the car a drive aimlessly without having a preplanned destination. Athletes are very keen upon using this idea of getting in a ready state of mind before heading out on the field or court. They practice their skills daily and have rituals to get their minds and bodies in preparation to achieve peak performance when and where it counts. I believe that common sense says it is easier to run if you have stretched your legs before doing strenuous activity. It is the same principle when writing. It is better to prep the mind to write and even better when you have an outline or gameplan when you sit down to write. It's okay to start out without a set plan. Most of us don't have any idea of where we want a story or characters to lead us. They make up the material as they write which is good for some writers but working with an outlined idea of where you want to take a story or character is usually so much easier because you have direction and hopefully a completed idea of the destination. I have found me a nice pray that I say before I strike a key and I hope to make it a ritual before I write. So having a prayer so that my diety can help lead me in the direction that he wants me to go is exactly what I needed. So thank you to my friend. You know who you are and thanks for the encouragement. So until tomorrow friends. This was...just a thought.

Just a Thought.....Halloween.

Just a Thought....Happy Halloween. So this evening ends the best month of the year. It's always sad to see Halloween go. It means that October is gone...no more scary movies on the regular, The state Fair is closed for another year and dressing like a murderous clown will get you thrown in a jail cell instead of rewarded with a nice snicker bar. I can remember having so much fun as a kid going out to get candy and dressed like a possed monk. Halloween these days has gotten far better at being able to find authentic and more creative costume ideas for both kids and adults. I can remember when the only place you could find a costume was at a local store like Motts or K-mart. Then came along a giant like Wal-mart as it started to grow and gain popularity that offered more options and some were really good options to buy a good store-bought costume. There was nothing like making a homemade costume as long as you could find the material. Now it is as simple as either ordering it online and having it shipped to your home or office. Or just going to somewhere like Party City or Spirits to go buy a Halloween costume. It can literally take you all of 5 minutes to find something. Then the actual act of going out and walking door to door in your neighborhood to ask for free candy is a foreign concept to a new generation of kids. You have to pry them away from Fortnite to get out and walk to get free candy. I know a lot of things have changed since I was a kid going out on the hunt for candy with my friends. But the act of dressing up, scaring people and getting awesome treats is still alive and well. Other than Christmas, there is none bigger of a holiday that produces so much commerce. That is until they actually make Amazon Prime Day a national holiday. Halloween continues to thrive. The only advantage of Trick or Treating as an adult rather than the children is that you get to do half the work but get all the benefits of eating your kid's candy and hiding it under the guise that all that candy is bad for them. As soon as I finish this post I will most definitely be heading over to the kids' bucket and dig out my favorites. So until tomorrow friends, remember that....this was just a thought.

Just a Thought...Winter.

Just a Thought....Hello Winter. I know that there are people that like summer and the Texas heat. I usually don't mind the heat but at some point, it gets to be ridiculous. When it is nine o'clock at night and the temperature outside is still in the nineties. C'mon, you have to be kidding me saying you can enjoy that crap. Let alone once it gets over one hundred degrees for weeks on end. It is miserable to a point of not being able to enjoy the day outside. So with a smile on my face and a hot cup of coffee in my hands. I say welcome winter, I have missed you old friend. Time to pull out the jackets, sweaters, and hoodies. It's time for hot chocolate, fires burning and space heaters providing the warmth. It is as close as we get to a real winter here in Texas and it usually doesn't last very long. I have always enjoyed the colder temperatures just because they remind me of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's. It is a reminder that the year is almost over and the time to plan for a fresh start and new beginnings. A time to plan to see families and enjoy the company of friends. The time people find forgiveness, faith, and love. The season has usually been a downer since my father passed away but I think I am really looking forward to this holiday season. I know that last year was tough because I was injured and by the time I was ready to return to work, most of the holidays had already passed. It was tough sledding last year. I am praying that God has mercy on me this year and lets me be upright for this holiday season. I will be getting my thermal pants and shirts, gloves and long sleeve shirt ready for tomorrow. It's the first freezing night here in the area. So those of you who live elsewhere and are used to so much cold weather, I am envious. I really wish it would snow. But that is asking too much. So I will end it here and get to bed, ready to face the weather tomorrow. This was just a thought.

Just a Thought...Fighting the Good Fight.

Just a Thought....fight the good fight. It has been a few days since I last posted something. I am really fighting my own self procrastination and this sinking feeling that I have had lately. The struggle for me has been trying to regain my focus. After not feeling good for a few days, I thought that everything would go back to normal. But there were a few days where I just couldn't pull myself up and write. I don't know if I was just still feeling exhausted or depressed. I would sit down and just look at the screen and draw a blank. My mind would race about the other more pressing needs in my life. Like getting my wife's vehicle up and running again. Without it, life was a messy roundabout. I was just racking my brain for a solution to the problem. Praying and praying that things would work out is about the only thing I felt comfortable doing. Even now as I sit and write, I still have this sinking feeling that what I am doing is going to amount to anything. To be a writer, you have to be special and sometimes I don't feel special. I am really trying to concentrate and focus on getting back in a good groove. I am far from giving up, I am just feeling in need of finding support and direction. That uneasy feeling of spiraling in a circle is what the world seems like somedays. There is more than what is happening in my life all around but sometimes you just focus on your own little spec in this grand world and after real close evaluation, I see myself as a failure up to this point. This can't be all that there is to this life, my faith won't allow me to believe this but someday I just let that voice of self-doubt and loathe sink into my mind and it fucks with me in the most terrible ways. I think I just need to sit back and relax and regain perspective. It all begins with my prayers to God and how much I allow him to work in me. I still have a lot of changing to get even close to where I want to be as a Christian. I will go lay down tonight and ask God to guide me back to the path I was on. So for those of you still loyal and faithful readers....Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Keep this short and sweet tonight, I say " Parting is such sweet sorrow." Until we meet again..this was just a thought.

Just a Thought....Shoes.

Just a Thought...Shoes. I had saved this story a while back and now have the opportunity to tell you about it. First things first, it is never a good idea to get dressed in the dark. Let me explain why? This one particular morning when I was getting dressed to go to work. I didn't want to disturb my wife by turning on the bright lights to get dressed. She usually doesn't sleep well and when she does I hate waking her. So trying to be as quiet as a church mouse. I grabbed my shoes and went to the living room. Sat down on the couch in the dark. I put on my shoes and headed out the door. I hopped in the car and drove to work as normal. Work starts early so it is usually dark outside. I got in and out of the warehouse and tore ass out on my morning route. I finished all of my early stops and stopped for a cup of coffee. While fishing in my pocket for change to pay for my beverage. I looked down at my feet and low and behold, there it was staring me in the face. I had two different black shoes on. How did I not know I had different shoes on. I have the same exact type of comfort insole so I couldn't tell the difference. It reminds of a line in the movie Shawshank Redemption. Morgan Freeman's character Red is explaining the escape of the main protagonist Andy Dufrense. Spoiler alert...so if you have been hiding under a rock and have never seen this movie..you really need to take a look. So he steals the warden's shoes by wearing them back to his cell when he is being escorted by the guards. The line Red says is "How often do you look at a man's shoes?" I now totally agree with him when it comes to how often men look at each other the way women do. Had I worked with any females, it would have taken them a nantenth of a second to spot my wardrobe faux paw. I made it through the whole day without anyone calling me out. I felt like such a dork. I told my wife about it and she couldn't believe that no one noticed. So now I at least go in my restroom and turn the light on to see if I am wearing matching shoes. I just could believe that I didn't notice. Have any of you ever had something like this happen? I would love to hear any stories about wardrobe malfunctions. Anyways...I gotta get to writing for the night so until tomorrow this was....just a thought.

Just a Thought...Down But Not Out.

Just a Thought.....Down but not out. Last week I was so pumped to be back writing my blog. I had taken some much needed time off to work on other projects and just clear my head. It was great and I came back feeling better and ready to attack. Then just like that, fate knew I was feeling too good. Wham! It hits me with a cold. It sucked feeling like crap the last couple of days. The effects of feeling lethargic, no energy and was always tired did not bode well. It doesn't help when you work seven days a week. Taking the time to rest just isn't in the cards for me. I wanted to write but when I would sit down and stare at the screen. I would find myself nodding off. Sitting at my desk with a blanket over my shoulders and just felt so unlike myself. Even when I don't want to write, I make a habit to at least try. I couldn't even do that. I hate nothing more than getting sick. It is the easiest way to throw a monkey wrench into your routine. Loathe is an understatement when I say the worst thing in the world in my mind is getting sick. Whether it is the flu, a cold or just getting an upset stomach, too me they all ruin your mojo. Sometimes it takes me a while to get in a good rhythm with my everyday routine. Then you get sick and the things you have worked so hard on getting set up as a good habit can get derailed by sickness. We are all guaranteed to get sick at some point in our everyday lives but why does it seem to happen when we are doing so good and trucking along in life. I am just glad that hopefully, the worst is over. Sitting down and writing today is actually something that I needed to get my mind off this cold and other things going on in my life. I always like to count my blessing, my health is getting better, my family is good so I am happy. I was down but not out for the count. I am actually working on other projects for my blog and will have more details to come. So for those of you who read and like my blog, Thank You! You make all the difference and I know that what I am doing is good. I love sharing the weird and bizarre things that tumble around in my head with all of you. So until we meet again tomorrow...this was Just a Thought.

Just a Thought...Halloween Candy.

Just a Thought....Halloween Candy.

As we approach the end of the month, we inch nearer and nearer to the second most popular holiday of the year. As a kid, it was hard to contain my excitement. I mean what kid didn't like dressing up in costume and going door to door asking for FREE candy. It was always fun except for the rare wet blanket folks who would give money or fruit snack. Who wants that crap in their bags. You could dress up in a plain white banket and still score some good eats. It only got better as I become a teenager and my mom would let me go with my friends. The amount of terrible Tom Foolery that went on those days. But no matter the dumb shit we did, it all came back to the candy. I think two of my favorites were the Plainly wrapped black and orange peanut butter candies and the Atkinson Peanut Butter bars. These were usually the leftovers that nobody wanted from their candy buckets. I know that I could get plenty of these from my brothers and sister simply because they viewed candies as throwaways. Don't get me wrong, I loved the chocolates as well but anytime an unattended candy bucket was in the house be sure that those candies would end disappearing first. Then there was the speech from the grown-ups that went something like this.."Don't eat too much candy or you will end getting sick." Now I know that I have heard these words come from my mouth a few times but was it only because my parents would tell it to me. I mean as a kid, I can never recall getting sick by eating too much candy. For the life of me, as many other kids have heard this same statement from their parents. Why hasn't anyone actually done a real scientific study on the merit of getting sick from eating too much candy? Some kid must have heard this is now an analytic scientist. There should have been some kind of research to debunk this myth. Regardless, it is one of those things that isn't back by science but is taken for fact. Either way, I think this was made up by parents so they could look through and snag some of their favorite candies from their kid's candy buckets. One of the perks of being a grown-up, I guess. Well, I hope that my kids score something good this year, I am looking forward to snatching some for myself. So, tell me what were some of your favorites? Drop your answers down in the comments. So until tomorrow, let do this again. Remember that this was...just a thought.

Just a Thought...Nightmares.

Just a thought....nightmares. With Halloween around the corner what better time than to discuss having nightmares. I am usually so tired when I go to bed I quickly fall so hard into REM sleep, I don't really remember having dreams or nightmares. In my world of being who I am and learning who I want to be....sleep is just a necessary tool to continue the process of living. My body has to rest and recharge. I have to either have a really vivid dream or a nightmare to wake up and remember what happened in my sleep. I had one of these actually happen the other day. I had fallen asleep on my couch watching a movie. The Other Guys was on cable and me being a dork, I just love those types of comedies. I digress, but when in the process of watching tv. I closed my eyes and was in LaLa land before I even knew what hit me. I was walking down a dark corridor with nothing to guide me but a small light down at the end of this corridor. The light was swinging back and forth as though someone was tapping the lightbulb. I slowly stumble forward using my hands as guides against what I assume was a wall. I could feel the floor shifting below me as if I were walking on sand. The cold air flowing down the breezeway as I kept moving closer to the light. Then a sudden sharp pain in my side. Someone had stabbed me with a knife or sword right in the side of my gut. I jumped and winced at the sudden pain. I felt my body to see how deep the wound might be if there was blood dripping out my wound. My hands were cold to the touch but no blood, no wound. In shock, I couldn't believe it but no hole. As I stood there feeling my hands around me to see if I could feel something or someone. Bam, there it was again. The sharp pain like a hard stab wound. This time I swing my hands aimlessly in the air looking to strike whoever is doing this to me. But to no avail, no one is there. I turn to see the light again, no wanting to wait around. I make a dash towards the light. I run in the darkness not knowing what is in the corridor with me. Scrambling for the light, I trip and fall to the floor. I turn over on the soft floor below me and there it is again. This time, I am looking straight ahead and the pain comes even harder with more pressure. The pain is more intense from the stabbing now quadrupling in my body. The rush of blood is causing me to feel woozy. Unable to stabilize myself, my body goes limp. I lie there face down, then with a sudden jerk my foot twist like a pretzel causing me to jerk my foot and causing intense real pain in my ankle. I jump up from my nightmare and sitting on top of me is my chihuahua, Charlie. She was climbing on top of me trying to get comfortable with me on the couch. She was the villain with the knives stabbing me as she was trying to lay down. I know, not the scariest of stories but when you get to remember them from time to time it is fun to talk about. Well, I guess I should get to bed and prepare myself for a fantastic Friday. So until tomorrow guys, this was....just a thought.

Just a Thought...Recharged.

Just a Thought....Recharged. So I don't know if anyone noticed but I have been absent for the last couple days on the page. I haven't posted anything since last Thursday. I have had a couple of personal issues that needed tending to, also had a few works in progress that I needed to work on. I have been active and writing. Just working on my other projects. I think I also wanted a break to get some fresh ideas on topics and other things that I wanted to add to the page. Like looking for guest writers, I also wanted to do some Q&A with people whom I find interesting, creative, funny, motivational and inspiring from all walks of life. The ideas just kept flowing and I have been jotting them down as quickly as I could without breaking concentration on my current biggest project, my novel. I just have had many great ideas, thoughts, concepts, dreams, and visions going on these last couple of days. Plus I needed a break for my body. My birthday was last Wednesday and turning 45 was fun and eye-opening. I slept really well yesterday and woke recharged and refreshed this morning. At some point, we all need to stop and refresh ourselves. That is why we go on vacations, take personal days when we aren't sick and just have the occasional me day. With life being so hectic sometimes with work, kids, school, gym, bills and so on. It is sometimes important to take the time to get yourself together. I found myself doing meditation, finding quiet prayer time and sleeping can really make you feel incredible. It won't last forever but it will give me enough time to push harder towards my goals. I also figured that maybe I would get more readers and interaction if I actually posted these things earlier. So I am setting a new goal of trying to have my post up by 7 p.m. CST folks. So watch out for new things to come. To all my regular readers, sorry for being away so long. I'm back and ready to kick butt. So until tomorrow...this was just a thought.

Just a Thought...Here Comes The Rain Again.

Just a Thought...Here Comes The Rain Again. The rain has arrived in Texas and it is wonderful and scary at the same time. My dogs are scared to death because of thunder and lightning. But I love the sound of the rain. Reminds me of the really bad thunderstorms and my dad would stand outside of our front door watching the fury that mother nature was unleashing and he was just standing there admiring her handwork. He was afraid of the powerful storms. I think he actually enjoyed it and as a kid, there was something comforting in watching him. It made me feel like it was scary at all. I think in a way that is why I don't find myself fearful in strong storms. The soothing sound of rain hitting the rooftop has a sort of comforting sound. I know that my kids are afraid but they have actually turned their fear into curiosity. They track storms now and have even learned the area of in north Texas to know weather the storms will affect them. It has been a while since we have had any rain, so much so that my yard was brown and the grass was nonexistent. The only thing that I hate about this is when I have to drive in the rain simply because there are plenty of people that can't drive in rain. I would write more about that but that is a whole post in itself. This time around the rain is a welcomed friend and just in time for bed. Nothing more soothing than the raindrops hitting the window pane. I know it won't be here very long but I will enjoy it tonight. So on behalf of my grass, my foundation and myself...I welcome you back old friend. We really missed you. Now if you want to leave before the morning commute tomorrow that would be lovely. It is past this writer's bedtime and I need my beauty sleep. I must bid you adieu and wish you all sweet dreams. Until we meet here again tomorrow friends, this was...just a thought.

Just A Thought...Feeling The Love.

Just a thought.....feeling the love. So today is October 9. It is the birthday of such amazing people like John Lennon, Guillermo Del Toro, Tony Shalhoub and me. I don't usually make a big ordeal about my birthday but I thought to myself..why not. Your 45 this year and every year after will be another year towards my ultimate goal of 80. God grants me the opportunity to reach 80, I will be tickled pink. I know that as I get older I do appreciate the fact that I have made it another year. I know that as I get older I must the fact that the sands in the hourglass will fall all the way down. I don't care about that anymore because I am of the mindset that I am going to live my best life every day. I was just so happy today that so many got to share my special day. To all those wonderful friends and family that wished me a happy birthday today, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. It was amazing to see how many people do care about you. It was such a rush, I felt like I was on cloud nine all day long. Maybe it was all the attention, which I did enjoy, maybe it was that I felt such peace and ease with God today. I can't pinpoint it but I had a really awesome day. I only wish I could bottle up this feeling and keep it close to the vest. Pull it out when you need it. Either way, all good things must come to an end. You will hear no complaining from me today. So thank you all again for making me feel great. Until tomorrow, this was....just a thought.

Just a Thought....Helping Hands.

Just a Thought....Helping Hand. There comes a point in just about everyone's life that you need help. Whether it is getting a job, borrowing money, or needing a place to stay. We all need that boost to get us where we are going. Having our parents help us move to college. Using a friend as a reference to get a good job. Living with a friend or relative when you fall on hard times. I've seen people give to others without hesitation from truly the bottom of their hearts just because they what it is like to struggle and need help getting out a hole. I try to be that way and even though I don't have a lot to offer. Whatever I do have I try to give with an earnest heart. I know what it is like to struggle and have to seek help because you've made mistakes and are trying to work past the problems. So why do people act so smugly towards others who truly need help when they are in a bad situation. If someone is seeking the help of another, do you know how difficult it is to ask for help just because you know the shame and embarrassment that is placed upon you by those with whom you seek their assistance? Do you know how much grief that person had to accept just to swallow their pride and ask for help? It is never easy to ask. I know that by asking, we are placing ourselves in the direct line of judgment by our presumed lenders. I've been in the position of feeling like shit with my head hung low asking to be helped out of a situation. It sucks, you feel like a failure, you feel low and you just want to crawl in a dark room and cry for a few hours. But you have to take the help given, accept the terms and responsibility for your actions that put you in this situation in the first place. Find a way to get yourself out of the hole and start building a foundation in which you can stand. Build yourself up as high as you can so that hopefully, you have learned a lesson from your mistakes so that you will hopefully never end up back in that position again. Then you get in a position to help another who needs it. Remember the feelings you had when in the same position and try not to be that same person who judged you on your situation and not your character. Be better than the people before and remember that life can be hard. We all need that push and help. So be kind and help out those who can't always help themselves. Until tomorrow folks, this was....just a thought.

Just a Thought...Missing Our Loved Ones.

Just a Thought....Missing Our Loved Ones. Today I got the chance to celebrate the birthday of my mother-in-law just two days ahead of my own birthday. It was such a lovely day outside, perfect fall weather for a few fajitas on the grill and some birthday cake. Everyone sitting around and reminiscing about days gone by. Sharing stories of loved ones who are no longer with us on earth. It got me thinking about being a kid again and remembering my own father. It's been six years since he passed away. My son just celebrated his sixth birthday. He was only a few months old when my dad left us to go to heaven. It got me thinking about others who have had similar experiences. What sort of things me you think about someone they've lost, a dad, a mother, a sister, a brother, grandparents or a child. All gone too soon to illness, tragedy or just getting old. Life gives and life takes away. It is the natural order. The circle of life continues on no matter the circumstances. It doesn't mean we can't have feelings of nostalgia, a time to takes us back to remember wonderful memories. A birthday, wedding, birth, all-important memories that stick with us because of the importance of who was there to help share in such special moments. I was glad that I got to share a special moment tonight with family. These times always bring me back to the days of having big birthday parties with my brothers and sisters and having pops around. I miss my father very much and the one regret is that I didn't spend more time with him. I will regret that for the rest of my days and the only thing I can do is not repeat the same mistake twice. The lesson learned from this is to not take being with your loved ones for granted. One day they are here and the next they are not. Take advantage of living in the moment and being with those you care about no matter the petty circumstances that might be wedged between loved ones. This is dedicated to all those who have loved and lost someone special in their lives. It is okay to cry and remember how special those people were to you. What their absence has meant to you in the circle of everyday life. I love you Pops and miss you. So until tomorrow folks, this was...just a thought.

Just a Thought....3:33.

Just a Thought....3:33. I see this number so very often in my weekly life. I see it at least three to four times a week. I didn't notice it too much when I was younger but about six or seven years ago this number began appearing on my radar. First I would find it on my alarm clock at home. Then when I got a cell phone it would become more apparent. I can remember even punching in at work on my time card at that exact time. It never dawned on me that the universe was trying to tell me something. It was when I was having a small conversation with a fellow co-worker and I was punching out on the payroll app we use at work that 3:33 showed up. I mentioned to him if he ever sees that number? His response is no. So I decided to investigate this phenomenon further online. It turns out that no matter the website most have a consensus that it has something to do with divine guidance and having a guardian angel that is watching over me and guiding me to what I supposed to become in my life. I wonder if anyone out there has had a similar experience with a number or with another set of numbers? I know that this has to happen more often than not and probably just pure coincidence. But if you believe in the divine intervention than these numbers probably mean something in the grand scope of things. I am hoping that all I have read on the subject is true or hold some sort of truth. I would like to think that God is sending a message with what to do with my life. I would like to hear from anyone out there if they see these numbers and if it has actually played a roll in changing their lives or it is just a number on the clock and we want to something like these numbers to mean something special in our lives. So as I do some more writing on my novel tonight with is days away from completion. Wish me luck as I write tonight. So until tomorrow, this was....just a thought.

Just a Thought...Fighting Your Past.

Just a Thought...Fighting your past. One of the hardest things that I am learning to do as I journey on my quest to becoming the best person that I possibly can be is learning to let go of my past. The things that I am not proud to say that I once did as an ignorant, ill-humored person. I got my laughs at the expense of others not knowing how much it was degrading. I always focused on the shortcoming of others around me. I was rude, disrespectful and unruly to my employers and co-workers. Then one day just like Saul, when he was on his way to Damascus when the Lord called him to serve, I feel that in a way he has done that for me. I have always been a people pleaser which is a hard life to live. Constantly trying to make life easier for those around me, instead of me working to make it easier for myself. I got lost in who I was and what I was destined to become. I was a liar, a thief, and an unreliable friend. One day it just started to click, the words, the songs, the lessons were all starting to make sense. I could hear what he wanted me to hear for so long. Put your trust in me and I will provide everything you need. For so long I struggled with faith, with love, with life. I was living the definition of insanity. Have I moved past all my troubles, by no means but they don't ruin my outlook, because when he told me that he would provide. My worries went away. I still have to push myself to let him lead me down the path he wants me to go down. I am so used to driving myself that it took him to humble me to realize that he is in control and that if we're to become what he needs me to be, then I must relinquish myself to his will. I constantly pray for forgiveness for the acts of sin that I have committed in my past and forgiving myself is getting easier with each minute I spend in his presence. Am I complete? Far from it, but I am headed in the right direction. I go to war with my inner self every day to ignore the negativity inside and seek the right kind of positivity that helps can the world one minute at a time. One kind word, one kind act spreading hope and compassion. I am not totally where I think he wants me to be just yet but I know for a fact that I am not the person that I once was nor do I wish to be. The best thing you can do to find yourself hope and faith is to forgive yourself. It makes a world of difference. So tomorrow I have a busy day with my kiddo's birthday, so wish me luck. Until tomorrow, parting is such sweet sorrow and this was....just a thought.

Just a Thought....Saying Yes.

Just a Thought...Saying Yes. Tonight was a fun trip down memory lane. I went to go see Stone Temple Pilots, who happen to be one of my all-time favorite Rock Bands. Not to bog down on details but it wasn't the original lineup but the music was still awesome. It is like seeing Queen with Adam Lambert instead of Freddie Mercury. The songs are the same but the person belting out the notes is a bit different. Which isn't bad at all, it's just different. Anyways back to my point, I got invited by Leo Coldiron, who is quickly becoming one of my favorite people. I had to think about it for about a few minutes when my wife asked me if I wanted to go. I said yes because I am trying to open myself and broaden my horizons. In the past, I probably would have said no and used the excuse that I have too much to do this week because of my son's party. But in saying yes, I got a chance to go see a really good show and got to hang with Leo. Who by the way has a lot of cool stories about his musical past and his knowledge of rock music is superb. None of this would have happened had I been my old wet blanket self. I know that I will pay a price tomorrow because I get up at 4 am to go to work. But I would have rather the experience that I had tonight than being what I once was... an introvert. I want to get out and experience life and see what the universe has in store. None of that will happen from the couch in the living room. Plus it also gives me experiences that I can write about here on my blog and in turn I get to share my stories. It's later than usual that I am writing and posting my entry for tonight but someone put it to me this way about writing. A painter has to paint, a writer has to write and a musician has to play, they have to do this every day. To put in the time and effort in learning mastery of their craft is the only way that a true artist becomes successful. We all have the same amount of time in the day, it just depends on how we plan, use and manage our time accordingly. Sorry for the delay but I am sure that you will understand. So until tomorrow, this was....just a thought.

Just a Thought....Forgiveness.

Just a Thought...Forgiveness. I got to witness the true power of what it really means to forgive. I watched the brother of Bothan-Jean grow bigger than the moment. Not many people would have had the strength to forgive the person who murdered your brother. But this incredible man of faith walked pass the rules of man and walked into the realm of God. His heart must have been so filled with the holy spirit and I hope that one I can muster a tenth of what he has inside his heart. He wished this woman who took the life of an innocent man, his brother, the best for her. I trembled in awe at his courage and streams of tears ran down my face as I saw the power of God's grace flowed through this man as a conduit of God's everlasting love. He showed her mercy, he showed her love and only asked that she find the same kind of strength in Christ Jesus. Any good person with a heart must have felt the compassion in his voice and his actions. The embrace that they shared for that brief moment was the most powerful expression of God's truth that I have had the opportunity to bear witness to in my life. It showed the people of Dallas, The people of Texas and hopefully the world that forgiveness is the greatest tool that God has given us the power to use. The journey that his family must have been on these past few months must have been torture. Unless you live in the light of God's grace and walk the path of righteousness that he gives us the free will to do every day. If you truly believe in the power of God, it was on display for all to see. Just as God gave his only begotten Son to the world to cleanse us of our sins and break the veil so that we could be forgiven. He forgave us of sin just as Brandt Jean forgave Amber Guyger with total love and compassion. My only hope is that this display of God's mercy isn't lost on the world. That we as a society need to become better than we have become without prejudice, without hate and with forgiveness in our hearts. I know that things will not change overnight but hopefully, this is a step in the right direction. Life is precious and whenever an innocent life is taken from this world, no matter the sentence. Justice will never be served simply because a soul was taken from a family, a friend, a son, a brother. But if we all dig deep inside our souls we too can find the power to forgive those who have hurt us in the past. This is the ultimate example. It's never too late to be saved and accept God's gift of salvation. So tonight I pray for all of us to become better people. I bid you adieu and tell you that this was...just a thought.

Just a Thought....October.

Just a Thought...October. This is the month that I usually enjoy the most because it is my birth month and it just makes me happy that I have made it another year in one piece. This year I will turn a glorious 45 years of age and have loved the other 44 years prior because they helped make me and shape me in the future. The other reason that I usually love this month is the cool weather here in Texas. Normal highs are in the 80 's and there is always a nice cool breeze. I take my hoodies, my jackets, and windbreakers for this month. I break out the long sleeve shirt and thermal wear. For some strange reason here we are on the first day of Rocktober. That's right...it is called Rocktober because anyone who is anyone has a birthday in the month. Back to why I don't understand why this year is an anomaly due to the unseasonal weather conditions. It is again, October 1, and the high outside today was 93 degrees. I am not liking this extension of the summer into my fall time. I am done with heatwaves, sweating and the hot interior of my car. I want my cool weather already. It's the best time to sit on the porch and drink a nice cup of coffee, as the leaves fall from the trees. I have always remembered the weather being cool on my birthday. This might the first year that it will actually be in the high 80's, possibly. I don't mean to whine or seem crabby but I love the cool breeze of fall. The days get shorter and the nights are longer. You can grab your favorite hoodie and wear it all day because it is cool enough to have it on. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with the warm weather of summer but I am done. I need the cold to come and bring us a reason to wear sweaters, long socks, and turtlenecks. October will be special to me. It was also the month my son was born as well. The month of October has always been good to me. I guess which is why I have enjoyed its company. It is such a cool month that even Drake named his clothing line and numerous shout outs to his crew on his songs...OVO's (October's Very Own). I am not the only one who loves this month. Plus aside from Christmas, it has the coolest holiday of the year, Halloween. So hopefully tomorrow when I wake, I will have to endure one more day of this heat before the cool front comes in and fall is officially here. So until tomorrow friends....rock on into October and this was ...just a thought.

Just a Thought....Cramps.

Just a Thought....Cramps. Every day I creep closer to the middle of what will hopefully be life spectrum I have a goal age of 80. What is the significance of that number you ask, well let me tell you? That is the age I want to get to, if God willing, before my time on earth is done. My age is steadily increasing every 365 days and as I get closer to closing out another year. I start to realize how much a body can start to breakdown. I will be 45 on October 9 and as I see it in my heart, I have another 35 years to make an impactful impression on the world. Now as I transform my life, I also am transforming my body and health as well. I think both will coincide with each other so it is best to change both aspects of your life at the same time. Your mind, body, and soul all need to be renewed. So going through such a drastic change also hinder your growth if you do too much, too fast. I learned the hard way that my body ain't what it used to be. It has it fair share of problems now just like a lot of people who are reaching these ages and are overweight or have some kind of illness that prevents someone from engaging in physical activity. I have been running on a treadmill and also pushing my physical work at my job. Steadily climbing up and down from the bed of the truck to the ground and hand unloading heavy material is always a killer in my book. I find myself trying to stay hydrated in the heat and sweating so much takes quite a bit out of me. I am not anywhere close to being my desired weight and having a BMI (Body Mass Index) that is is within the range i am supposed to be in for my height. When I rest after such a physical day at work when I lay down and my body is supposed to be totally at rest is when I have the most problems. I fall asleep to only be awakened by the tightening of my calf or hamstrings that cramp from dehydration. I drink a lot of water but not as much as I should. I am sure it would help me from getting a freaking charlie horse. Or the stiffness in the calf that debilitates me like nothing else. I hate getting cramps and not trying to compare the pain of birth with the wimpy pain of getting a stomach cramp but that shit still hurts. I have been taking a multivitamin and magnesium and B12 to keep me nimble and agile to make it through four quarters of a football game or at least a full workday. So as I stretch for the bed to avoid the dreaded pressure of cramps, I bid you adieu my friends. So until tomorrow, this was.....just a thought

Just a Thought...Passing Gas.

Just a Thought...Passing Gas. Well, tonight I experienced something that kind of caught me off guard tonight. I went to Wal-Mart to buy a few items that I needed for the kids' lunches tomorrow. So as I strolled down the aisle to get some bread there was an older lady down the aisle where I was headed. I guess she figured that no one was going to come where she was standing and she just without hesitation ripped out a huge fart. The bad part about the whole ordeal was that I had already started making my way to the middle of the aisle where she was standing. Needless to say that I caught her backdraft in all its glory. I must give her props because that noise that extruded from her rear end was quite impressive and let's not talk about the smell. I don't have a strong sense of smell, so for me to be able to smell it. She let out all the demons that have been trapped inside, it was pungent. I was totally caught off guard by these circumstances so I did what I thought anybody in the same situation would have done. I turned my cart as quickly as possible almost knock down a small display stand. I guess she realized that I was back there and she dashed off with her cart. I know I have been guilty of passing gas in an elevator with nobody in there with me. I felt bad as soon as the doors opened and I immediately stepped out know what the person entering was headed for inside. I would have at least looked around before just cutting one loose in the store. I know that when you gotta go, you gotta go. There is no holding it in. There are times when you can but those usually end up being worse because although there is no audible sound the smell is quick, it is strong and it is usually rancid. Those are actually worse simply because the smell is a dead give away. So to end the story I walked away with a nose full of toot and as I exited the store with my groceries guess who just happened to be parked next to me in the parking lot, Queen Toot. I have never seen anyone toss their bags into their vehicle than she did as she hopped in the car without putting on her seatbelt. She was gone in the blink of an eye and probably embarrassed with what had happened. All I could do was have a laugh and thought to myself that I should thank her for giving me a good story tonight. Until tomorrow friends this was....just a thought.

Just a Thought....Home Alone.

Just a Thought...Home Alone. It is Saturday and for once I don't have any commitments for this night. So I am staying home doing some writing and working on other projects. It has been a while that I have actually been able to write one of these posts on a Saturday and looking at my upcoming schedule it will be a while before I can do it again. So as I sit in the comforts of my chair and think about things to write about for future posts. I wonder to myself if it is sad that I don't have a more active social life. I have always found it easy to make friends but as I sit here and write, I think to myself "Why don't I have friends my age that I could go out with and just hang out?" People all over town tonight are with a group of friends either enjoying a nice dinner and fellowship or having a drink at the bar. They are hanging out at the State Fair of Texas or playing at Top Golf. Which makes me think that I need to make some friends with whom I can hang out with and get out of the house. I don't want to go to singles bars or strip clubs. Just not my bag anymore..I want more developed people to hang out with and have adult conversations. Enjoy a nice beer without having to get plastered. Maybe I am just too old to make those kinds of friendships. I see my wife, who has a group of friends that she can hang with on any given weekend. But these are people that she has known for years. A lot of the people that I grew up with are no longer close. I still live in the town I grew up in and a lot of those people that I would have grown up with left this one-horsed town a long time ago. There has to be an alternative to staying at home with the kids. I also want to make friends that I can grow within to build lasting friendships. Guess that at least for tonight I will alone in front of my screen with my thoughts. But that isn't always a bad thing. So until tomorrow..this was just a thought.

Just a Thought...The Doctor's Office.

Just a Thought....The Doctor's Office. I had the privilege to take my brother to see the doctor today. As soon as we walked in I knew we were at a doctor's office simply by the sterile smell that floats in the air like the smell of smoked brisket. It is strong that you know exactly where you are at. The seat and the interiors are usually the dead giveaways, apart from a few different things most of the offices I have been in feel like the same. As I walked into sit down it was like Deja Vu, like I felt that I have been here before and then I remember that last year I spent quite a bit of time in doctor's offices because of my foot injury. It's like that when a doctor decides to open a small practice he or she hires the small interior decorator. The color schemes always seem the same. I just walked in and knew we were at a doctor's. The setup is always just about the same. You walk up to the window, sign the sign-in sheet. Then the chairs are always the worst part unless simply because they are not made for comfort. As we sat there and awaited our turn the magazines were old, from last year, which is not bad for a story about the problems of living in Honduras but when it is a sports magazine the main story is more often than not about a certain game which has probably already been played. So you know the outcome and it ruins the story. The predictions that the writer had made with his compelling case why this team will win. When you know that the team he or she had picked actually lost. The staff is in scrubs and the flowers are all fake and the painting on the wall are all very generic looking. I get that the purpose of the visit is to get to feeling better but c'mon Doc. Add a little spice or flavor to the place. The only good thing about the visit is that the candy the office was giving out was of really good quality. Well maybe next time I actually go to the doctor for myself it will be a bit different but I doubt it. So until tomorrow folks, this was just a thought.

Just a Thought....Our Phones.

Just a Thought...Our Phones. So many of us rely on our cell phones so much these days that we can't imagine not having one at all. We do all our social media, we do our business meetings, you name and we can do from the palm of our hands. Just imagine how far we have come in the last ten years in the technology of smartphones. I have been able to meet and network with so many new and different people who share the same passion with me. We can talk and chat as though we're all sitting down at a coffee table having a discussion about writing faux pas. It's a different world that we live in nowadays and to tell you the truth I absolutely enjoy it. I find it so awesome that I can connect with someone in Europe and talk about a certain writer or shoot back ideas and encouragement. 20 years ago we had cell phones they just weren't as advanced and their sole purpose back then was to call people and if you were lucky you could send text messages. Which for some people was the preferred method of communication so that you didn't have to deal with business people face to face. I remember a few years ago that I broke my phone at work. I actually ran over it with a forklift and cracked the whole phone. I had to wait seven days before they could send me a new phone. Lucky for me they sent me a new model phone because the one I broke was still under warranty. They also stopped making that familiar model of phone. I had to go a whole week without my smartphone. You know what...I loved it. Loved being away from people having instant access to my life all the time. I felt free, I actually had the freedom to do what I wanted within the structure of the law. One of the best time was when I was needed for something, I could use the excuse that I didn't have my phone. I could turn it around and make myself the victim. I would say things like "Do you think that I want to be without my phone for all this time?" Of course, my real answer was yes. I do enjoy seeing the new phone but just not too thrilled about the price. But that is another story for another day. So until we agree to meet here again tomorrow. Remember that this was...just a thought.

Just a Thought...Lemons into Lemon Bars.

Just a Thought...turning lemons into lemon bars. Well just as you think that you have everything under control, life throws you the dreaded curveball. I have been so lucky to not see Murphy and his stupid laws. Well, that was until today. My wife's car started to act up I took it to my brother-in-law's house so that we could try to fix it. We did our best but to no avail. I have contacted a mechanic friend and hopefully, we will back and running again. Why do I bring all this up you ask? Well, I'll tell why. If something like this would have happened to me ten years ago, it would have been a major catastrophe. It would have literally crippled me and caused me so much grief and worry. Why not now? Well as time has passed and given me more wisdom. I have learned to, first of all, put my worries up to God. Second is that I have learned that I can't do it alone and it is okay to ask for help. I still don't have all the answers and don't know how this will be resolved but I know that my family is going to be okay and that this too shall pass. I just have to trust my faith in God and whatever his plans will be for me. I know that things will not miracle themselves fixed. I have to take action and trust in God will show me the right moves to fix my problems. I still find myself wanting to withdraw because I don't have all the answers. But in trusting in my Lord, I know that not having all the answers is okay. We must take the good with the bad and treat them both the same. Tomorrow will be another day and hopefully a better outcome. So to say that this day was wasted, I think not. I got a better outline of my book and will throw the kitchen sink at it this weekend. I know that some people don't know how to look at the silver lining in bad situations but I can no longer ignore feeling happy. I really do enjoy life and although something bad like your car breaking down can be a downer. I saw it as an opportunity to hang with my brother in law and work on cars. Tomorrow will be another chance to get things right and I pray tonight and tomorrow that God will guide me in the right direction. So until we meet here again this was....just a thought.

Just a Thought....Mentors.

Just a Thought....Mentors. On my journey to pursue my passion and become a better person. I have learned that it is easier when you have someone who can help you learn on your journey. Whether it is losing weight, getting out of debt or motivating yourself to chase your dreams. When you find someone that can help mentor you in whatever you're passionate about it. It truly is a blessing. I have been very fortunate over this time in search of self-discovery of becoming my better self that I have found people who are willing to help or I have asked to help mentor me. I have dreamed of becoming a writer or creator since I was little. I started with my own comic strip, a mouse named Hugo. I did the artwork and came up with the stories of his adventures. That was the first time I ever felt normal. I kind of always knew that I wanted to write. My brother was the next influence on my writing. He stared my love with screenwriting and seeing how the creative process can go from beyond your words. That there were people that not only wrote their own movies but created them. Their visions were translated from their minds onto the silver screen. So as I let life push me around and being a victim of my own procrastination. I put my hopes and dreams on hold because of fear and rejection. I made the excuses up as I went along. Then one day a light went off in my head and my heart and it couldn't be described as anything else but divine intervention. I realized that my time here on earth is finite. If I didn't get off my ass and do some living and chasing the dreams that I always wanted then I would live the rest of my life with regret. So as I started this journey and continue down the path, it has been a learning experience. I have met wonderful new people online with whom I networked and found some that hopefully will become new friends. Then there are some that I have asked to help mentor me when they can. Most have been very receptive. I have not tried to be needy and I study and read about the craft as much as I can, but it helps to have people to ask advice or for tips and pointers. To those who have help and continue to help and reach out, I am greatly appreciative for any help or advice. This is only the beginning of what will be a life long journey for me. I don't plan on stopping short of what I have envisioned for myself. Each day is a struggle but always an opportunity to gain new experience. It is the greatest challenge that I have faced but one day be my greatest triumph. I know that my age has helped me realize to enjoy the journey. I know that one day I will be in the position to help that someone searching for help and guidance and I look forward to that opportunity. So until tomorrow my friends. Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars. This was....just a thought.

Just a Thought....Ice Cream.

Just a Thought....Ice Cream. I have been very hard to lose weight. Not just for the vane reasons that most do it. I am really trying to lose weight because I have made the conscious decision that I want to live for a long time and still be able to do many of the functions that I can do. I know that somethings will go away with the time that I am going to be unable to prevent, but I want to be proactive in being able to ward off certain diseases that are controllable by the lifestyle that I live and how I eat. Age is the one thing that will wait on no man to figure out. You must learn and adjust your way of living in order to at least have the chance to have a happy and healthy life once you are in your golden years. I want to be the old man who still drives at 80 years of age. I want to be able to walk in the park on a nice spring day. I have been able to give up most things that have sugar, I can do away with most of the carbs and I am taking a steady diet of supplements and vitamins to help with things like heart health, joints, muscles. Most of the terrible foods that I use to eat, I have no longer craving for. I eat a fatty hamburger and I feel sick. I indulge in sweets, I feel like crap. I crash hard after the sugar rush wears off. Most of these bad things, I have learned to deal without on an everyday basis except for one thing. My kryptonite that I just have the hardest time letting of and that is Ice Cream. They say every superhero has weakness and just happens to be the frozen concoction made just about any flavor. My biggest guilty indulgence is Mint Chocolate Ice Cream. I am trying really hard to stay away from it at all cost. I walk by the frozen aisle in the store and cuss at the Blue Bell section. I just start swinging in anger like Tre from Boyz in The Hood. I've tried frozen yogurt and it can sometimes placate the cravings sometimes but there is nothing like the taste of a Mint Chocolate Chip shake from Braum's. This is one fight that will go twelve rounds. The urge is there to stop and say "get one you deserve it, you've been good." but there is a part of me that knows better and knows when staying steadfast in working to achieve my goal of getting down to a healthier weight. So please know folks that I am giving it my best effort. So until tomorrow folks, this was...just a thought.